Why can't I stop?

So...just got home from a great night out socializing having a good time with good friends. Friends, fun and food. What's better than that? There was so much delicious homemade food and I couldn't stop eating. Why can't I have one piece of something? Why do I have to eat seconds? The whole time I'm sitting there picking on the appetizers and taking bite after bite when my stomach felt full. It continued with multiple servings of mac and cheese, potato salad and sweet and sour meatballs. I swear I could feel the fat growing in my cells with each bite. But it didn't stop there, I had to have two carrot cake cupcakes, several chocolate chip bars and two small chocolate martinis. WHY? WHY? WHY? Am I a glutton for punishment or just a glutton?

I ate only one meal today because of these plans and we always have a smorgasboard of delish food. This after-gathering guilt is a regular occurrence. I purposely wore sweat pants because usually my pants start to cut in on my waist and make it painful so in a way I sabotaged myself because I knew I was going to let myself eat aimlessly and foolishly.  I'm an intelligent person. I know eating like this will cause weight gain and girth guilt but I do it anyway. What is the block? Why don't I have self-control, willpower or a conscience? Will I ever learn not to overeat, especially at parties, events and restaurants? Once I figure out the block maybe I can learn.


Do you have willpower or self-control with food? Or was it something you learned? I'd love advice or ideas!