Why can't I stop?

So...just got home from a great night out socializing having a good time with good friends. Friends, fun and food. What's better than that? There was so much delicious homemade food and I couldn't stop eating. Why can't I have one piece of something? Why do I have to eat seconds? The whole time I'm sitting there picking on the appetizers and taking bite after bite when my stomach felt full. It continued with multiple servings of mac and cheese, potato salad and sweet and sour meatballs. I swear I could feel the fat growing in my cells with each bite. But it didn't stop there, I had to have two carrot cake cupcakes, several chocolate chip bars and two small chocolate martinis. WHY? WHY? WHY? Am I a glutton for punishment or just a glutton?

I ate only one meal today because of these plans and we always have a smorgasboard of delish food. This after-gathering guilt is a regular occurrence. I purposely wore sweat pants because usually my pants start to cut in on my waist and make it painful so in a way I sabotaged myself because I knew I was going to let myself eat aimlessly and foolishly.  I'm an intelligent person. I know eating like this will cause weight gain and girth guilt but I do it anyway. What is the block? Why don't I have self-control, willpower or a conscience? Will I ever learn not to overeat, especially at parties, events and restaurants? Once I figure out the block maybe I can learn.


Do you have willpower or self-control with food? Or was it something you learned? I'd love advice or ideas!

Weigh-in and shopping

Friday is my weigh-in day. Every savvy dieter knows to weigh in on Friday so you can enjoy the weekend if you know what I mean, wink wink. Weekends are notorious for being high risk eating days. Weighing in on Monday mornings could act as a motivation to not overindulge, however for now, Fridays feel safer, less stressful. Today is the first official weigh-in since I started the blog this week so drumroll please......I lost one pound in four days! I'll take it. I like picturing that a pound of butter just melted off my hips.

My grocery budget is limited right now but I went grocery shopping today and got all the healthy foods my nutritionist suggested, greens, beans, brown rice, fresh veggies, polenta, chicken, eggs, garlic, nuts and frozen fruits and veggies. I won't bore you with what I eat everyday but wanted to share the healthy food grocery list...ingredients for delicious, satisfying meals. I feel lighter already just buying those foods. Actually, the woman (mother of my daughter's friend) bagging our groceries at the store commented, "Wow you guys eat healthy." Smiling, I said, "We try." A conversation sparked about how costly it is to eat healthy and the cashier said if healthy foods cost less than potato chips and soda, a lot more people would eat healthier. So True!

My daughter went shopping with me and even her choices of snacks were relatively healthy. She picked out hummus, pickles, cheez-its, deli chicken and cheese. We also bought Edys ice cream with half the fat and it was on sale 2 for 1 so I will admit that I bought sugarfree moosetracks. Ice cream is my downfall but it's only 110 calories, 16 grams of carbs and 3 grams of protein!! Hey it was a free half gallon and I could have bought the Thin Mints ice cream instead but I didn't!!

One pound down and 99 to go!

How do you budget for groceries? Any special tips or stores with great sales?

 

Always an excuse or reason

Day after my birthday. Plan included getting back to healthy eating. OOPS. Cupboard and fridge are bare. And payday is Friday so slim pickin's create a bit of a challenge to eat well. Black tea and crackers for breakfast is better than the Chips Ahoy and tea I ate for breakfast as a teenager. Not optimal I know but we do with what we have.

While on my break at work eating a Greek pomegranate yogurt, a person, who asked not to be named (;-b), gifted me with a sinful dark chocolate and raspberry cake and suggested I start tomorrow. My eyes glazed over the chocolate glaze and in that hypnotic state I ate half the cake ( which was about the size of a extra-large cupcake and extra delicious) and I took the rest home with hopes that my daughter would eat it. Alas, I ended up eating the rest tonight but I did eat a healthy dinner. Balance is key. Hey it's my birthday...week.

Willpower is a muscle I need to develop. What weights do I have to lift to build up that muscle? I'll be honest I want to be able to enjoy all kinds of food. Most healthy programs advise not making any foods off limits because it makes you want it more. Moderation is a practice I need to practice. No seconds, no nightly dessert, no snacking.

Of course, exercise is another component. Thankfully, my cousins gave me their treadmill and exercise bike and I've used them more than a few times and not just for hanging up my sweaters. I'm working my way up to a half hour or a mile. Twenty minutes has been my average and since I am walking at a 1.8-2.0 pace I only get about 3/4 of a mile. I miss boot camp (see that blog at gut-instincts.blogspot.com). I claim no time but I have time to watch TV, read FB statuses and blog. Is 11:30 p.m.too late to jump on and walk 10 minutes? Heading to the treadmill-I'm a night person so maybe it will help me sleep better?


no more excuses!

How do you practice willpower and moderation? What excuses do you use?

This is the year-it has to be the year!

I turned 49 yesterday, 2/22/10. And I'm 234 pounds. Still. More than 100 pounds overweight. Happy Birthday to me!!


By blogging about this, and sharing it with you, I can't hide. This is my truth. Fat, broke and lonely. Not saying that for sympathy by any means. Just putting it out there and out of my head. Somehow they're all connected and by blogging maybe I'll discover what that unifying little sucker is.


100 pounds by 50 is doable in a year. Geez, they lose 100 pounds in 8 weeks on the Biggest Loser. But unfortunately I'm not on the Biggest Loser and I haven't figured out a way to make a living by losing weight. I would love to make losing weight and getting fit, healthy and happy my full-time job. Anyone hiring?


Honestly, though, my blood sugar jumps higher than my cat does when there's a steak on the stove and my blood pressure screams louder than my daughter's new speakers. No joke. I'm looking forward to 50 and starting my second life as a single woman, not just the single mom of three children, who can do whatever she wants whenever she wants. Is that a reason to get my act and my health together or what? In 2011 I'm gonna party like it's 1983!!


So why do I continue to abuse my body with food? Why am I playing Bejeweled Blitz or eating ice cream or cookies while watching the Biggest Loser? I've been on more diets than Oprah so I know how to do it so why aren't I? What is the block to my skinny self?


Oh, and by the way, I will consider having my stomach made into the size of a walnut shell if I don't lose 50 pounds in six months. That way I will be sure to lose the 100 by 50.


Would love feedback, advice, your own weight story, or a simple hello, get off your ass, comment.